Relatable Raven Reviews

What’s it about?

Y’all should know the classic story by now. Chick’s mirror says her stepdaughter is too hot to handle, but she’s like really bad at murder so she only ends up taking a nice, refreshing nap.

Anyone I know in it?

Rachel Ziegler – She hasn’t been acting long but has really hit the ground running with main roles in the newest version of West Side Story, the 2nd Shazam and the most meh Hunger Games movie.

Gal Gadot – Wonder Woman! She’s done other stuff too, but it’s all so forgettable.

So, is it any good?

Man, I heard everyone saying how bad this movie was but I thought it was all racist, anti-woke bullshit. I went into this thinking, it surely can’t be THAT bad, and it’s not like Cats bad, but still had me checking out halfway through. It really seemed like Disney was playing into all the modern criticisms of the original movie even when it didn’t make sense. I haven’t seen the first one in a minute but I think the mirror declared Snow White the “fairest” on her 14th birthday, like that’s when he decided she became fuckable? Which is totally gross but in this one she isn’t “fair” until she starts growing a backbone about wanting to help people or some shit. Sure, fine, whatever. Then when she gets to the dwarves’ house, instead of cleaning the house in exchange for room and board (a pretty fair deal to me), she makes them clean their own house while she just kinda sings at them like an entitled bitch. I do appreciate that they tried to have Snow and the prince have a real connection before he saves her, but his whole deal felt too Robin Hood for me. I wish it was a little more creative. This is about where I started checking out. None of this would even be so bad if Snow didn’t have that fugly-ass haircut the whole goddamn time! Like seriously, it’s so fucking distracting! I guess they tried to explain it in the beginning, showing the queen cutting her hair after the king dies to make the child… less hot? I don’t know, but I was really hoping there would be a little time jump where her hair grows out a bit but NOPE. BAD WIG BARBIE THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME. Don’t waste your time, skip this shit. You’ve been warned.

Anything else like it?

There’s always the original, of course. If you’re looking for more “reimagined” fairy tale movies, though, there are plenty of way better options out there. Ella Enchanted is a favorite of mine. Into the Woods is good if you want something a little darker. Enchanted (minus Ella) is pretty dang good, too.